The silent killer. It seems like it creeps up on us sometimes – an overwhelming sense of stress. Personally, I often think of stress as a sticky, sloshy rancid honey-like substance – easy to fall into, easy to be overcome by – but difficult to get out of.
We are all subject to stress in some way or at some point in our lives. In fact over 75% of both UK and USA residents have reported feeling either physical or mental symptoms of stress in the past month alone from studies in both 2018 and 2024. Unfortunately, stress isn’t just a 21st-century headache. Reports from as far back as the 1950s reveal that stress was already a serious concern, with experts waving the red flag even then. Fast forward to today, and the story hasn’t changed much; in fact, what used to be labeled as alarming levels of anxiety in kids is now just considered a ‘normal’ amount in the same age group.Although the statistics are looking up from the last few Covid filled years, the effects of this stress are still real, with it being linked to the rising rates of anxiety, illness and premature death. In fact, it’s estimated to be a key player in many current areas of concern, including depression and fatigue disorders, heart diseases, memory and digestive disorders, diabetes and even cancer. Clearly it can be something to be afraid of – but what makes it that way?
Stress: How to Handle it
Can stress be overcome?Let's make what seems impossible possible as we look at both scientific suggestions and Biblical supports for those looking to overcome some of the most common types of stressors.
What is stress?
Stress is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as ‘a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.’ It operates through the amygdala, which registers a potentially stressful situation, and lodges a command with the hypothalamus, which then tells the sympathetic nervous system and the HPA axis to begin operation – the sympathetic immune system causing the physical reaction (such as increased heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen levels), and the HPA axis pumping out hormones that tell it to continue functioning.
In certain situations, this response is actually considered a good thing! Stress is considered a part of our ‘flight or fight’ response, and in small doses can help activate us into a mode of urgency in emergency situations – in short, it saves us from getting hit by cars and to be alert during sports games. This also happens when we feel a deadline of some sort approaching – and so if you’ve ever had to knuckle down and get an assignment done in a certain space of time, stress can be your friend. However, sometimes these efficient functions can be over-excited, leading to stress that is triggered unnecessarily, or too often. The latter is what is known as ‘chronic stress’ and this is when the stress response is considered unbeneficial and leads into those negative effects we read through earlier.
So, we know stress is something we typically want to avoid, right? In order to do so, we’re going to start by looking into three factors – common causes stress, suggested ways of dealing with it and Biblical verses that speak about stress or about handling it – because through all we learn, it’s important to remember that these problems – and fixing them – is not all on our shoulders. We have support, far greater than anything we can do alone. So with that said, let’s dig in.Common Causes of Stress
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Personal Expectations
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Social Pressure
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Health Concerns
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Family Responsibilities
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Relationship Issues
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Financial Strain
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Career or Education Pressure
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Overcommitment
Methods to Overcome Stress
1) Personal expectations
Personal expectations are often governed by this thing called Perfectionism. Perfectionism is a trait where people’s high expectations of themselves, or of others, can lead them to valuing their self-worth based on their achievement in tasks alone. While having high expectations of oneself is good, basing one’s self worth off of these expectations, or setting unrealistic goals, can lead to high amounts of stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, this is a phenomenon that can influence anyone – in fact, some studies indicate that even up to 90% of people struggle with perfectionist traits. But – although it may feel like it – it’s not unsolvable.
As suggested by Rosalie Rung and Dr Bethany Juby, there are a few key methods that may benefit those who struggle with perfectionism. While we may not be able to overcome these perfectionist tendencies – especially as they can be helpful in reasonable amounts! – we can learn how to manage and approach them in a way that reduces stress.
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Acknowledgement and Compromise: Be aware of your own tendencies, and be conscious in your effort to manage your self expectations in moments that may become high-stress. For example, if a new assignment is coming up, practice being aware of how you often behave, and setting boundaries for yourself by challenging these unrealistic expectations.
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Practice Imperfection: Find time to spend on non-goal oriented activities, such as casual sports (e.g a small game of soccer with friends) or artistic pursuits (e.g painting or baking). These are often easier, and more fun with friends or family, but can also be done alone!
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Get Help: Everything is easier when not done alone.While getting help on barricades such as perfectionism may seem overwhelming or unnecessary, it’s important to recognise when we need guidance, and utilize the available resources to improve, such as talking to a professional therapist. If you don’t have a therapist, try contacting your primary health professional, or contacting an online therapy center like betterhelp (Australia) or Talkspace.
With perfectionism, it’s important to remember that you are enough. The Bible stresses this fact, encouraging us to know and remember that we are God’s children, and we were personally made by Him. Further, we can never earn love or freedom – instead, it’s given to us free of charge. The verses below remind us of these truths.
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‘For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.’
Psalms 139:13-14, ESV
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Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NLT
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‘For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.’
Ephesians 2:8-102) Social pressure
While social structures can be helpful in overcoming stress, they can unfortunately also be destructive in the same ways – with the pressure imposed on us by others creating what sometimes feels like an impossible challenge. We’ve been there before: when we’re pressured to behave in a way we’re not sure we want to, by friends or family, complete tasks or act in ways we’re uncomfortable with at work or school or even worse, having contradicting expectations from all. This can cause an immense sense of stress, as one attempts to conform conflicting ways – either with others, or with ourselves. Although often these situations are unavoidable, the level of stress can be. Here are some science-backed suggestions.
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Set Some Healthy Boundaries: If you feel really uncomfortable in a situation, the best thing to do is to communicate this in a respectful manner to the people involved. Try explaining what is making you uncomfortable to the person, and why – focusing on finding solutions, but kindly stating that there will be consequences if the boundary is not kept. For example, if you feel someone is taking advantage of you by always making you pay for their meal when eating out, you can share your discomfort with the situation and state that you won’t eat out with them again until they pay you back. If the person still doesn’t acknowledge your boundaries, it’s important to carry through with these consequences.
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Practice Saying No: Sometimes it can be difficult to say no – particularly to those we feel have power over us, like managers or family members. However, learning to stand up for ourselves and what we believe is immensely important, and impacts our lives in more ways than one: allowing us to become more bold, increasing our self-worth and encouraging us to stand up similarly for others. If a situation isn’t right, say so!
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Seek Support: These steps can be extremely uncomfortable, and it’s easy to be unsure if we’re on the right track. Speaking to a trusted third party who is aware of the situation can be invaluable, as they can provide insight and advice into both parties’ behavior, and give recommendations on the way forward. Further, speaking to a trusted individual, including a close friend, family member or even therapist, can reassure us and provide support even when the situation seems unchangeable.
The Bible encourages us not to give in to negative peer pressures – and also to create positive environments for others. Rather than focusing on judgment, the fear of which is often the cause of stress, it encourages us to love each other, and to remember the only One we’re really aiming to please – God. Further, when we see others in situations where they may feel pressured to go against their values, we should stand up for them as Jesus would. These verses give an overview of these themes in the Bible:
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Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14, NLT
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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9, NKJV
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Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Proverbs 31:8-9, NIV3) Health concerns
These are hard. Whether for us personally, or for our loved ones, stress and pain from these areas is often inescapable, with worries and fears often being reliant on something largely uncontrollable. In these times, we may not be able to solve stress, but it is important that we try to effectively manage it – for both our own sake, and for others. Below are some tools that can help us remain steady even in trying times.
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Focus on What You Can Control: One of the most difficult parts of illness is that they are often completely out of our control. In order to reduce stress in these scenarios, it often helps to instead focus on what we can control. For example, focusing on maintaining a generally healthy lifestyle, including accessible exercise and healthy eating. Breaking down the often overwhelming steps of a medical plan or a schedule can also make it feel more manageable, allowing for that necessary feeling of accomplishment in the face of difficulty.
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Hold Out Hope: Remaining positive can be a lifeline when dealing with health challenges, allowing us to retain that vital hope that encourages emotional resilience and allows our bodies to not give up. Choosing hope doesn’t mean disregarding your difficulties, but believing that things will get better – even if we don’t know when. This reduces stress by allowing us to believe that the hard times won’t be forever, and so to hold out just that bit longer.
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Create Community: Having a solid community of people around you is essential to retaining hope and having that support that we all need on particularly dark days. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends and family if you need help: that’s what they’re for. If you feel like you don’t have anyone that you can talk to, try connecting with a support group or person. Contact your health professional or search online to find support groups or therapies that fit your needs. Remember: you’re not alone.
The Bible has a lot to say about this topic – with Jesus’ healing ministry being one of the centers of his work while on Earth. We can imagine the stress that Jairus, Lazarus and his family, the 12 lepers, or the bleeding woman were under. Jesus was able to heal all these people, among many others in an amazing demonstration of God’s power. While this kind of brilliant healing power isn’t often seen on Earth right now, God does still use His power to heal in our lives – whether it’s assisting in overcoming a disease, or allowing us peace in our hearts. These Bible verses can be encouraging for when we’re struggling in those moments.
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Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:9-10, NIV
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When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2, KJV
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Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12, ESV
4) Family responsibilities
No matter your situation, it’s likely that you experience family responsibilities or pressures in some form. The endless balance of spending time with your loved ones, needing to provide for them, while also creating time for yourself. It often feels impossible to get it right – and sometimes, it can be. According to the U.S Department of Health and Human Services, over 33% of parents currently report high stress levels, and over 48% experience overwhelming stress on most days. These statistics demonstrate just how difficult it can be to manage everything – and more importantly, how difficult it can be to keep the stress levels down while doing so. While prioritizing family is important, it’s also important to make sure you are getting what you need for your own welfare. After all, burnout and illness don’t just take your strength away – but it also steals it from your family. Below are some ideas on how to do this.
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Get Support: Although it’s easy to feel like you’re alone, try reaching out to friends and family, explaining how you feel. People are often more kind and willing to help than we think – so share! Don’t be afraid to share how you’re truly feeling, or ask for help. It’s normal, and it’s understandable. If you really feel like you don’t have anyone to help, try contacting a health professional, join online support groups or talk to a pastor at your local church. These resources are there to help you. Don’t be afraid – just ask!
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Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: If you have a partner or a loved one who you’re struggling with, or even older children, don’t be afraid to communicate how you feel in a kind and respectful manner. It’s easy to get caught up in our own world sometimes and people may need reminding that you’re human too – and that’s okay! Without accusing, share how you’re feeling and listen to their point of view. Then, with both people in mind, try to put together a simple action plan that may help reduce the situation. This is likely to help everyone feel more heard and understood, and assists in getting to the root of the problem.
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Allow Time for Yourself: It’s so easy for identities to become lost in responsibilities, especially as a parent. Whatever your situation, don’t forget to spend time for yourself too. This may be anything as simple as a half an hour alone in the morning, perhaps doing something fulfilling and relaxing, such as reading, gentle exercise or practicing your personal faith. If you can, try organizing your schedule to take other time out too – for example, to have a date night with your partner, or participate one night a week in community sports. This time can allow both physical, mental and emotional fitness – meaning that we’re likely to be healthier and happier afterwards, which we can all agree is better for everyone!
In times of high stress and responsibility, I like to look to the ministry of Jesus. In His time on the Earth, He was almost constantly surrounded by people – either his disciples, seeking for leadership and guidance, or crowds of people, desperate to hear his words of wisdom or be blessed with forgiveness and healing. One could say He has the biggest family known to man, with every one of us being one of His children. However, although faced with the ultimate responsibility, Jesus still took time out alone – beginning each day in solitary prayer and peace (Luke 4:42, Luke 5:16). While this may be difficult for many – especially those with busy schedules or small children, setting aside a small portion of each day to spend with God in prayer is vital to retaining the peace and release from burdens that God promises (Matthew 11:28-30). Try setting a time that would work for you each day – often we recommend early in the morning, but you can dedicate this time before you sleep at night, or at another, un-tasked part of your day. Although it may be hard, we urge you to give it a go – it could change everything.
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As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
Psalm 103:13, ESV
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“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30, NKJV5) Relationship issues
Relationships are often the cause of the most heartbreak and strife. Typically, we can only understand things from our own perspective, and so often struggle to meet the expectations or needs and wants of others. Further, sometimes these requests either conflict with our own desires or needs, or may not be viable. This can cause immense stress, as we struggle to make comfortable compromises between our own understanding and others. Every relationship experiences this to some extent – and no matter how often, it can be difficult and draining, overcoming many other areas of life. In order to overcome this stress together, we have some suggestions.
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Communication is Everything: If you’re struggling to make amends in a relationship, make sure you communicate your feelings and your desire to improve the situation. No matter how obvious the situation may seem to you, it may not be to others, so if possible, let them know that you’re feeling stress over the relationship and that you’d like to work it out together. If you’re worried the person will get defensive, try approaching them in a neutral environment (such as taking a walk outside) and using ‘I’ statements (e.g I’m feeling hurt over the statements that you made earlier.) This can allow the person to understand what you’re going through, without feeling ‘attacked’.
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Listen In: Sometimes we get so caught up in our own feelings, that we struggle to understand why someone may be behaving in a certain way. For example, we may feel that our partner is ignoring us, when they’re just feeling overwhelmed with work. Rather than just existing in our own world, it’s useful to practice empathy in these moments, and allow them to speak to their side, really listening to what they're going through. This also encourages others to listen to us, and allows a resolution to be found.
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Consider Counseling: Often talking about your issues to another party can be helpful, but it can get difficult if you don’t have a support person who you feel will be impartial. In those situations, there are many places that offer help to relationships that are going through some tough times. You can find these resources through your main health professional or access many of them online.
The Bible was full of betrayals and difficulties in relationships – Samson and Delilah, Hosea and Gomer, Joseph and his brothers and even the frequent bickering of the disciples – just to name a few. Unfortunately, while this is an issue that hasn’t yet been solved, we fortunately do have the ultimate counselor on our side: God. When we need advice or feel like we’re utterly alone in the world, we don’t have to be afraid: God is with us, ready to comfort us in our times of despair.
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Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3, NASB20
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Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…
1 Corinthians 13:4, ESV
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For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV6) Career or Education Pressure
The fortune of receiving education does not come without its own difficulties. Many of us have been subject to the immense pressures of the education system, regardless of the level. The expectations are enormous, and it seems that the time it takes to get the assignments done – along with everything else that we have to worry about – can be utterly overwhelming. Unfortunately, finishing these studies aren’t the end – with almost half of the working population in Australia and New Zealand reporting experiencing extreme stress over work and their careers. We often feel that our whole sense of purpose is tied into these aspects, and it can easily become overwhelming or disheartening to struggle with knowing what to aim for, or for achieving high expectations. However, it's important to remember that our job and education status are not the only aspects of our lives that are of value. Let’s take a look on how to be reminded of that:
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Time Out: Although taking a break in the middle of a stressful season of work or study seems like the last thing we should do, taking calculated breaks is actually important for our wellbeing – with adequate rest actually increasing our productivity, according to Harvard Business Review. To make the most out of this, take a few minutes throughout the day to practice feeling positive and at peace, allow time for exercise and try spending some time outside. You’re likely to feel much better and less stressed, allowing for higher overall productivity.
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Spend Time with Loved Ones: There’s nothing like a fun afternoon with some close family or friends to make us feel revitalized and ready for the next day. Make sure you’re allowing conscious time to spend with your loved ones – even something as simple as going for a short walk with your partner everyday or meeting up with friends once a week. Maintaining connections allows us to de-stress and up our positivity!
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Allow Space for Hobbies and Hope: Allowing space for other activities in our lives can help you take your mind off the stressful factors, and feel more positive and thus more productive throughout your busy days. We always work more efficiently when we’re excited for an activity afterwards, right? Further, having other hobbies encourages us to remember that work or study are not the only things that matter. Rather, this is just one factor of your life, and the difficult time won’t last forever. You'll make it through!
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“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Matthew 6:34, NLT
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And so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:4, NKJV
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And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Galatians 6:9, NKJV
7) Overcommitment
In today’s society, being ‘busy’ is often thought of as being the epitome of achievement. We measure each other (or perhaps more accurately, ourselves) by how much we can get done in a day –those who seem to be able to do the impossible, narrowly missing the section of those who are so called ‘lazy’. Overcommitment is a way of proving this – however, unfortunately, it also seems to perhaps cause what is perceived as laziness. Truth be told, we can’t actually all do everything, or we typically end up burning out through the stress and exhaustion that comes with constant action and pressure mixed with a lack of peace and structure. If you feel that your life is overcrowded, here are some ideas for you, to hopefully restore some of that peace you’re missing:
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Prioritization and Delegation: While it’s tempting to try to do everything it’s important to realize that often, we simply cannot (unfortunately, I know). Instead, prioritization and delegation can be really helpful in making sure that the most important tasks are done, and we don’t have to feel absolutely overwhelmed. When doing this, try to focus not just on an occupational or physical side, but a mental one too: taking some time out to spend doing enjoyable activities and reducing that stress.
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Identify and Reduce: If you’re not sure what’s actually causing you to feel stressed, it’s important to identify these factors, so that you can focus on ways to make them feel less overwhelming. Once these problems are identified, they are able to be reduced through methods such as creating a more efficient schedule, changing the way you approach the task or asking for help if necessary.
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Learn How to Say No: As a serial people pleaser, I know just how difficult it can be to say no. After all you do want to do it all – who wouldn’t want to get the hours in at work, while also spending time with their friends, while also reading that new book you promised you would, while also studying… However, it’s important to remember that sometimes you really can’t do it all. This is a very common problem, and so most people are understanding when you say no. In order to overcome this, try setting boundaries with others and yourself (for example, saying I’m not going out tonight because I need to finish this task, but I will make time to spend on my hobbies this weekend, and will say no to working if I am asked).
The Bible is clear on the importance of taking time out. Most specifically, it focuses on taking time with God. This is the best way to restore peace, and allows for His leadership and strength through whatever we’re doing. While it can be easy to feel like we’re too busy for God, it’s important to remember that spending time with God means a clear mind and ability to spend time doing everything else. Let’s spend time with Him.
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Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6:33, NLT
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Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who was also seated at the Lord’s feet, and was listening to His word.But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do the serving by myself? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; but only one thing is necessary; for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-41, NASB20InIf you're going through any of these types of stress at the moment, or even a different kind, it's most important to remember that you are not alone. Mant people feel the same way that you do, and there are a lot of places and ways that you can gain the community or the peace that you need. These include family and friends, health professionals or even support groups. It's also okay to take some time out for yourself - even if just in a small way. In order for us to be at our best for others, we first have to look after ourselves. Don't be afraid to schedule time alone or complete an activity that you enjoy . Most importantly, remember that no matter how alone you feel, how overwhelmed or afraid, God is right there. He wants to be our Comforter and Friend - offering us ultimate peace and love (2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Isaiah 54:10). All we have to do is let Him.
if you don't know how to do that, or would like some help, you can use this prayer as a starting guide:
Dear God,
Thank you for your overwhelming goodness. Thank you that nothing in this world is too great for You, and that I can be reassured in Your mercy and Your everlasting love. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed and stressed by the many things in this world God, and right now, I ask for Your help in overcoming those things. I know that all You want is to gift us with Your love and peace, and will do so when I ask. Fill me with Your abounding peace now God. Please, give me the strength to win over the pull of this stress and come out stronger then ever. You are our shield, our Lord and I know that You love Your children. Help me to remember that this includes me. Thank you for all that You have done, and continue to do in our lives. Truly, You are Good - we know this. We remember this. In Jesus name, AmenIf you'd like to learn more about prayer and it's power, that's what we're all about. Go to our course The Power of Prayer to learn more.
